How often have you complained that your partner never helps you with the chores at home? And how often have you silently cursed the friend who raves about how helpful her husband is? A study published in the American Sociological Review suggests that men who do more female-oriented chores around the house, like helping his partner with the cooking or cleaning, have less sex than men who stick to their traditional roles. This goes to imply that women are more attracted to and turned on by men who stay away from kitchen duties. We speak to the people who matter in this story.

The husband

“I couldn’t agree less with the findings of this study. My wife and I both have hectic jobs, so weekends are usually to take care of the house. Since we don’t have help, we share the chores. Sometimes I’ll do the dishes, while she sweeps. After that, I’ll mop the house, while she gets dinner ready. If she gets done with work early any day, she’ll pick up the groceries, but if it’s on the weekend, usually I step down to buy whatever we need, simply because it’s easier for me to change than her. The only gender-specific, so as to say, thing we do, is that she serves me the meals—not because of some chauvinistic expectation, but because I love it when she hands me

my food, and she knows that. It’s done purely out of love.

“I think helping out at home gets me more sex—it’s a woman’s reward system. When she sees that I care enough to help around the house, she rewards me with sex. Actually, it makes her love me more and often, after we clean together, we take a shower together, which is a great precursor to the real deal.”

The wife

“This study is clearly archaic. In today’s urban lives nothing is defined as a man or woman’s role at home. Sometimes I pay the bills and sometimes he does. It’s about convenience and understanding. We both understand each other, and how hard we work, and we care about our home, so we put in the effort together. And our sex life has little to do with any of this. In fact,

for us, chores are a way of bonding, which makes the sex later that much better.”

The shrink

Mumbai-based sex and relationship counsellor Dr Rajan Bhonsle says, “I don’t agree with this study at all. Women, especially Indian women, are highly appreciative of men who help out at home and who believe that it is not below him to help her with the cooking and cleaning. It’s a big turn-on for them because Indian women are programmed to see men only work outside and never help at home. In my 30 years as a counsellor, most of the issues that couples bring to me centre around men contributing at home and with the children. If they go out of their way to help the wife, the wife is appreciative and might even reward with sex. But sex and household chores are not necessarily connected. A woman, in terms of satisfaction, looks at her relationship more holistically than a man, who places far more importance on the sex and his own performance.”