Making a long distance relationship work is a lot of effort. Emails and SMSes may have taken the place of the age-old love letters and communication may have become easy. But is it always worth it? We talked to two experts to find out.

‘We trust each other to not give in to temptation’

“Having been in a long-distance relationship for five years now, there’s only one way to make it work— meet up as often as your finances permit. I know of people who’ve decided they won’t be together anymore because they wouldn’t be able to manage the distance. I don’t understand how they can make that decision before they’ve even tried it. Sometimes I know that things would be so much easier if he were around and sometimes a phone call just isn’t helpful enough. Both of you have to be willing to do what’s right in the other’s absence. There are temptations, of course, but I know that what I have with my boyfriend is worth more than the thrill of a momentary lapse of judgement.”
Dellora Daniel, 25, hospitality professional

‘It can’t be long-distance forever’

“In this age of communication, long-distance relationships are a little easier to cope with. When the two of you just click and know that you want to be with this person more than anyone else, irrespective of the distance, you will always want to put in that extra effort. But it can’t be a long-distance relationship forever. You need to see the relationship going all the way; otherwise, you will face burnout. Of course, there will be compromises like the lack of physical intimacy or the person missing out on important events like birthdays, or distress about having to get things done alone without emotional support. At the end of the day, you need to be able to trust that both of you are being honest with each other.”
Dr YA Matcheswalla, Psychiatrist, Masina Hospital, Mumbai

‘It’s not for the faint-hearted’

“You need to be able to accept the reality of this kind of relationship. The distance and physical absence will be a pinch and it’s not for the fainthearted. You shouldn’t make the other feel guilty about their absence. One partner may be busier than the other and the other will be lonely, but it is important not to blow the situation out of proportion. You need to be very positive and not let insecurities creep in. Don’t assume; rather communicate and be practical. If finances allow, try to meet often, spring a surprise, send gifts—this will fillip passion. If the relationship was not always a long-distance one, you should be prepared to adapt to a change in dynamics. You may need to develop new routines to make each other feel secure.”
Dr Rukhsana Ayaz, Counsellor and Psychotherapist